The days of staying warm and dry in our Arc’teryx jackets and Blundstones against the vicious single-digit winter temperatures in Vancouver are long behind us. We are in the midst of a heatwave that’s forced even the crows to pant heavily, pause their crow-bombing antics, and look longingly as we search for a mystically cheap hotel dt for that sweet, sweet AC.
If you know, you know.
From the desk that brought you the unwritten rules of living in Vancouver, according to locals, we bring you the latest edition just in time for the scorching heat.
The unwritten rules of a Vancouver heatwave, according to us, the locals.
There will be no free logs at the beach
We won’t forget the dark times of “log jail” in 2022. (farhanmohamed/Shutterstock)
If the logs are there at all on Vancouver’s beaches, it will be pretty much impossible to score one. Locals love the logs. Seriously, obsessed. There are lots of reasons why but one of our favourites is that the logs are a part of Vancouver’s history, as Cornelia Oberlander, who fled Nazi Germany and immigrated to North America, introduced them in the 1960s as part of a greener city architecture vision. More than five decades later, if anyone so much as thinks about removing them, it’s big news.
Wreck Beach logs (Margarita Young/Shutterstock)
The logs are so coveted it might be almost as impossible to get one on a sunny day as it is to get a court to play beach volleyball. The locals have it all organized and send friends early to score their spot and bring their nets, and if you are a tourist, we can’t share with you, unfortunately.
Maybe check out the Steam Clock instead?
Boomers will chill in their basements
DisobeyArt/Shutterstock
We are pretty bitter when it comes to housing in BC on the best of days, but when homeowning residents brag about sleeping in their basements on the hottest nights of the year, it usually leads to some pretty passionate responses from those without that luxury, especially those who live on the 20th floor of a nearly all glass building — the horror. That said, basement owners, if we promise to take your financial advice and give up avocado toast and pricey concert tickets, can we please stay with you for the weekend?
We will pay for expensive AC and or make our own
Butsaya/Shutterstock
Cue the rush to London Drugs to buy an air conditioning unit that isn’t on sale. We just hope it doesn’t lead to $200 energy bills in the future (it will). If you are lucky enough to get one before it sells out, Daily Hive will rub in your misery by writing annual articles about low supply or store sellouts. Sorry.
While there is a way you can score a deal on an air conditioning unit now, not everyone is eligible, and those who live in older buildings especially are stuck coming up with creative ways to cool down, including setting a bowl of ice in front of a fan or sleeping with a frozen towel. No shame on your cooldown game — whatever works, friends.
We will avoid the bus seats
buzzer.translink.ca
The much-coveted open seat on the SkyTrain, SeaBus, or 99-B-Line falls out of favour real fast when a heatwave hits the city. Those who do sit, and are wearing shorts, will instantly regret that decision knowing that they are stuck to that plastic or fabrics that are soaking in sweat from the previous commuter and haven’t been cleaned recently.
We will complain about the heat
fizkes/Shutterstock
It’s a wet heat? Just kidding.
There’s something about extreme temperature changes that just rock the Pacific Coasters to the core, and temperatures above 30°C will lead to endless complaints about the forecast. The only thing worse than Vancouverites during the heatwave is people from the Fraser Valley, who argue loudly that inland residents have it way worse.
They do, it’s true.
People will hang out at Metrotown and Pacific Centre
Metropolis at Metrotown/Facebook
The unspoken heroes during any extreme weather event have to be malls and community centres that serve as gathering spaces for people to hang out and escape the elements. Malls themselves should be given all the gold stars because they aren’t taxpayer-funded for this service at all, and most security guards tolerate sweaty people lying on the ground and loitering around when it’s uncomfortably gross out there. It might surprise you to learn that malls are actually one of the BC government’s officially recommended places to cool off in an extreme heat emergency, as are movie theatres and places of worship.
We will be told basic things by officials like “drink water”
Hot summer/Shutterstock
The deadly heat dome in BC that claimed 691 lives between June 25 and July 1, 2021, saw many governments called out for their lack of emergency response plans and non-existent warnings. People were even madder when then-premier John Horgan was quoted saying, “fatalities are a part of life” when asked about inaction from officials to save lives over that historic tragedy.
Well, that messaging has sure changed. Since 2021, press releases have piled in ahead of heat events by government officials, offering residents advice to check on loved ones, stay indoors, and drink water. Sigh.
But we do love the pop-up water fountains and misting stations, not gonna lie.
We will leave things in the backseat
Marc Bruxelle/Shutterstock
While we know that it’s human to forget, we definitely are aware that the risks of leaving a pet or a child in the backseat by mistake on a hot day can end tragically. That’s why we take steps to mitigate this terrible outcome by leaving items in the backseat to remind us. Our favourite thing is our phones, or house keys, honestly anything that gives the brain that extra chance to connect the dots.
Fun fact: It’s against the law to break someone’s window if you see something like this unfolding, so the best course of action is to immediately call 911.
Folks will swim in fountains, and we will mind our own business about it
Kenneth Chan/Daily Hive
Honestly, we get it. It’s hot, most of the outdoor pools are shut down anyway, and it’s weird to go to a waterpark as a childless adult. Is it allowed to take a dip in a fountain? No. Is it safe? Probably not, considering all the warning signs around it and the expectedly high urine levels in them (we guess) but when we see people doing the backstroke in the fountain outside BC Hydro or in Robson Square, we simply make sure that they are having a lovely time in the few centimetres of water, and we go on our way.
As someone recently said on Reddit about a fountain swimmer, “Bathers gonna bathe.”
What do you think about these rules, and which did we forget? Let us know in the comments.