A woman in Vancouver is sharing her story of how she became a mom in the hopes it sparks more conversations about the different kinds of families that exist.
Motherhood is a different journey for everyone, Nicola Doughty says, and it is just as fulfilling no matter what the ‘how’ looks like.
When she was single at 34 years old, Doughty decided she wanted to be a mother. She soon after began the process of donor insemination.
“I woke up and I was like, ‘I’m doing this.’ And so, I called my doctor, got the referral,” she told CityNews.
The search began to find a sperm donor – sifting through a red binder in 2004 – reading their medical history, personality traits, and even essays.
Doughty’s eventual donor stood out.
“His first line was something like, ‘What you’ve read so far are facts about me, but I hope to breathe some life into who I am as a person.’”
After seven tries, including a miscarriage, Doughty became pregnant.
She explains love comes in surprising packages, and throughout the entire process – then working as a teacher – it was important to be transparent, even with her elementary students.
“I wanted them to know that this was a conscious choice, so I explained everything and afterward, one of my students, who was ten at the time, came up to me and said, ‘Miss Nicola, I am so happy for your donation.’”
Doughty gave birth to her daughter, Ruby, who grew into a charismatic, curious young woman.
Doughty says her daughter Ruby had always been curious about her half-siblings with the same donor, and when it came time to create her family tree at school, Ruby was more than happy to share her alternative family with her classmates.
“My daughter decided that at that point in grade 7, she was going to introduce everyone to her 90 half-siblings. And so, there was a tree with a lot of shrubs.”
Doughty, who is now a therapist, says she can’t picture life not being a mom — the greatest gift she says she’s ever received.
But solo parenting isn’t always easy.
“Sometimes when you’re sitting there and you’re so proud of your child in an event, you’re not turning to somebody else and saying ‘look at our child.’”
Doughty hopes her story of donor insemination will open the doors to talk about alternative types of families and embracing motherhood – no matter what the journey may look like.
“The most important thing about choosing to go on any journey into creating a family is, is your heart in it.”